You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I touched a dick in church today
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
