I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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