Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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