Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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