Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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