you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
