I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize