So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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