I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize