True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
