Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
