My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
even my farts smell like vagina
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
