a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Randomize
