70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize