going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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