u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
