Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
