so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
