YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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