i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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