God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
