No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
