Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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