i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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