how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
