her vagine was all disorganized.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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