So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
