New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
