And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
