she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
