Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
