I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
