I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
