I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize