i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
