Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
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