I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
