i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You're like the curious george of whores
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
