I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
