After last night, I could never be a politician.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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