i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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