That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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