So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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