Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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