Me too!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
