I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
