Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
