True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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