finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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