woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
