I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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