I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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