Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
false alarm, still single
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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