i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
