Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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