I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
