He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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