You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
God, I missed his penis.
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