You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
