she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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