remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
