My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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