Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
