I showed him my bush... on skype.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
