woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
