we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
