Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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