yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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