Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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