we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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