You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
