Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
