dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
North Korea, Best Korea!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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