So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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