I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
