so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
