Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
