definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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