i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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