Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
