My cat gives me a boner
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
