went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
