I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
