sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
