The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
