i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
