so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
