me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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