I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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