You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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