Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
