finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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