Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
