12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
