i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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