Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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