I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
