Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
