i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
