chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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