.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
