you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
