How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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