wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
