Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
